I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
