i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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