OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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