I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
