he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
