That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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