We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
