i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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