I intend to get homeless drunk
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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