Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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