I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize