Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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