Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
