i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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