My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
