I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
