"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
