Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
