Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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