if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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