Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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