And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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