hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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