apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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