id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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