Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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