some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
