If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
