your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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