Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
