Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
