why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
