ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
