i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
