that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
