Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
