Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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