So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
