your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
