so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
