Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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