I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
