Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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