I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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