are you still at the devil's house?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
please come you make the beer taste better
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
