I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i came on her dog
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize