The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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