birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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