I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
