Even the bartender felt bad for me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
