I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
