can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
