so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
