Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
