I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
