i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
