dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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