I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
