My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
