I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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