I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
