Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need a burrito and a hug.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
