a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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