jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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