The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
