At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
