my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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