i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
