My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
