xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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