TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
