Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
