Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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