Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize