Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
