Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i've created a new STD.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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