Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
